How to write a eulogy for your father

For the man who probably never told you much about himself.

The short answer

How long:: A eulogy for your father usually runs three to five minutes spoken, which is about 500 to 800 words.
Structure:: Open by saying who you were to them, carry the middle with two specific stories, and close on one line you can say and then stop.
The one thing:: Specific beats comprehensive. One story told properly does more than a list of virtues, every time.
If you cannot finish it:: Asking someone else to read it for you is common and entirely acceptable. Tell the funeral director beforehand.

Free to start. No account needed. Your draft saves as you type.

What makes this one hard

Fathers of a certain generation left a lot unsaid, and the person writing the eulogy is often the one who knows least about his inner life. What you have instead is evidence: what he did, what he built, what he turned up for. That is enough.

Questions worth answering first

Answer these on paper, badly, before you try to write anything that sounds like a eulogy.

What did he do on a Saturday?
What did he teach you without ever sitting you down to teach it?
What was he proud of that he would never have called himself proud of?
Who did he become around his grandchildren, if he had them?

The shape that works

Gather specifics, not adjectives. Write down concrete details before you write a single sentence of the eulogy. One real moment is worth a paragraph of praise.
Choose a tone and a length. Decide how it should sound and how long you can speak for. Four to six minutes, around 500 to 800 words, suits most services.
Shape it into three parts. An opening that says who you are to them, a middle carrying the stories, and a closing line you can say out loud and then stop.
Read it aloud and cut. Read it standing up. Anything you stumble over, cut. Print it in large type, or use a reader that scrolls at your pace.

Questions people ask

I did not know my father well. Can I still give the eulogy?

Yes, and you should not pretend otherwise. Speak to what you did know and to what others have told you, and say plainly that you are speaking as his son or daughter rather than as his biographer. Nobody expects completeness.

Is it acceptable to be funny?

If he was funny, yes. A laugh in the first two minutes releases the room. What does not work is a joke at his expense that he was not in on.