How to write a eulogy for your wife
Written by the person with the least distance from it.
The short answer
- How long:
- A eulogy for your wife usually runs three to five minutes spoken, which is about 500 to 800 words.
- Structure:
- Open by saying who you were to them, carry the middle with two specific stories, and close on one line you can say and then stop.
- The one thing:
- Specific beats comprehensive. One story told properly does more than a list of virtues, every time.
- If you cannot finish it:
- Asking someone else to read it for you is common and entirely acceptable. Tell the funeral director beforehand.
Free to start. No account needed. Your draft saves as you type.
What makes this one hard
You know more than anyone in the room and can say the least of it. The eulogy that works is usually narrow on purpose: one thread of who she was, followed properly, rather than an attempt at the whole.
Questions worth answering first
Answer these on paper, badly, before you try to write anything that sounds like a eulogy.
- What did she change her mind about, and what did that take?
- What was she doing the last time you saw her properly herself?
- What did she insist on that you never understood until now?
- What would she have edited out of this eulogy?
The shape that works
- Gather specifics, not adjectives. Write down concrete details before you write a single sentence of the eulogy. One real moment is worth a paragraph of praise.
- Choose a tone and a length. Decide how it should sound and how long you can speak for. Four to six minutes, around 500 to 800 words, suits most services.
- Shape it into three parts. An opening that says who you are to them, a middle carrying the stories, and a closing line you can say out loud and then stop.
- Read it aloud and cut. Read it standing up. Anything you stumble over, cut. Print it in large type, or use a reader that scrolls at your pace.
Questions people ask
How personal is too personal?
If it would have embarrassed her, leave it out. That test is more reliable than any rule about what is appropriate.
Should I thank people?
Briefly, and at the end. Carers and medical staff by role rather than by name unless you are certain of every one, because an accidental omission is the thing people remember.